Game 1 – Merchant Marine vs. Alabama
The U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, one of the five U.S. service academies, is located in Kings Point, NY, and home to 1,000 Midshipmen. This branch is primarily a fleet of ships – roughly 400 – tasked with transporting our nation’s imports and exports, as well as moving military supplies in wartime if need be.
Their teams are the Mariners. Do not call them Marines, they’re Mariners. The Mariners are favored this week against mighty national champion Alabama, and if Alabama football players aren’t appropriately respectful, they might find themselves on a cargo ship being exported to the middle of nowhere.
Game 2 – Notre Dame vs. Dixie State
Dixie State University is a public university of about 9,000 students located in, strangely enough, not Dixieland, but St. George, Utah. This is Utah’s Dixie, literally.
Dixie, as it’s known, was founded by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in 1911. Today, it’s a thriving institution for all Utahans. It even has a branch campus in Hurricane, Utah, a town named due to the frequency of hurricanes in southern Utah.
Their teams are the Trailblazers, and their mascot is Brooks the Bison. Brooks is only a few years old, so he hasn’t yet been told he’ll likely be shot by hunters, merely for sport.
Game 3 – Colorado Mesa vs. UTEP
Colorado Mesa University is a public university of 11,000 students located in Grand Junction. This school is very outdoorsy, and when you’re surrounded by mountains, canyons, rivers, streams, and ski slopes, what student in their right mind wouldn’t hike, climb, kayak, raft, and snowboard.
Their mascot is the Mavericks, and their student fans are The Herd. Members used to be awarded Herd Points for attending sporting events, a tactic clearly intended to stress the value of academics.
Game 4 – Massachusetts-Dartmouth vs. Hawaii
UMass-Dartmouth is a state school of 8,700 located in North Dartmouth. Let’s just get this out of the way. This Dartmouth school is named for a beautiful, coastal New England town, and this Dartmouth is named after a man, the Earl of Dartmouth, who didn’t even contribute a single dollar to the school named for him. I’ll let you judge the better Dartmouth.
Their football team is the Corsairs. A corsair is a fancy word for a pirate. I’ll just be honest, I wouldn’t be frightened by a corsair, but who isn’t afraid of pirates. Anyway, the fancy pirates are favored to beat Hawaii by 7.
Let the games begin!
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